WorkSMART Blog

Conflict is a part of life. It’s part of sibling, family, and spousal relationships. It rears its ugly head at work when colleagues have different ideas about how to achieve a goal, when they discuss who should do what work and when personalities clash. Conflict is part of friendships and, as we’ve learned so well this year, it’s part of our democratic process. Given how common conflict is, it’s surprising that we’re not better at dealing with it. Rather than addressing our differences, many of us who are conflict-adverse choose to look the other way, brush problems under the rug, or assume we have no power to change the dynamics that cause our consternation. Alternatively, those who are more comfortable with conflict may be seen as argumentative. These shouldn’t be the only two options. Rather, we should get better at resolving our differences, without avoiding them or getting into disputes. What we need is a method for managing conflict. Those who are very good at it use a model I call The Pillar of Trust. The Pillar offers a structure that can support even the toughest challenges and allow individuals or disputing parties to reach their potential and achieve optimal results. The Pillar of Trust- from the bottom up COMMUNICATION Good communication forms the foundation of the Pillar. It is only through conversation, both talking and listening, that we can begin to understand one another. RELATIONSHIP As we learn more about each other and our mutual understanding grows, so too do our relationships. The development of these personal or working relationships then become part of the Pillar, making it stronger and able to bear the weight of even more difficult challenges. In turn, these increasingly stronger relationships beget deeper levels of communication. In this way, communication and relationships continue to spiral around each other, together gaining strength. While strong relationships are a gift in themselves, they also yield a host of ancillary benefits, including: Emotional support Confidence Reduced stress Good health Happiness Trust TRUST Confidence, health, and reduced stress are most certainly pleasant consequences of positive relationships, but the development of mutual trust is perhaps the most powerful byproduct. Trust allows us to take risks, open up, and look for mutually beneficial solutions when conflicts occur. Trust gives us peace of mind when we need to rely on one another, and comfort to share our vulnerabilities. From my college days, I remember the moment of realization when I understood the importance of sharing your own neediness with others. I’d been so focused on projecting a strong and invincible outer image, on being trustworthy and helping other people, that my friends Lisa and MaryBeth didn’t realize how much I needed and valued them, too. In fact, their interest in my friendship seemed to wane, before they realized how important they were to me. When I finally let down my guard and accepted their help and support in a low moment, Lisa and MaryBeth were happy to be there for me. I quickly saw that relying on their care wasn’t only for my benefit. They too needed to be needed. My willingness to share my trouble was, in itself, a show of trust, caring, and intimacy. I was reminded of this a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Indeed, the support of friends and family was crucial to my well-being, but so too was my acceptance of help crucial to theirs. Trust is tricky that way–in order to determine if someone else is trustworthy, you need to make yourself vulnerable. However, with a strong base developed through communication and relationship building, that exposure is unlikely to feel risky. The Strength of the Pillar The triumvirate of COMMUNICATION, RELATIONSHIP, and TRUST creates a strong foundation and formidable structure, able to bear the weight of the toughest challenges. Looking at the model, you may wonder why Communication is at the bottom and Trust at the top, if the elements are so intertwined. The reason is that trust rarely comes first. While it’s certainly true that you need to develop a certain level of trust before you can delve into deep or sensitive conversations, the reality is that individuals are more likely to use lighter conversation topics to build relationships and trust slowly, waiting until they are mutually ready to probe and share more deeply. To begin building a pillar, don’t wait for others to make the first move. After you set the tone and model the type of honesty you desire, others are likely to follow suit. Building trust from the top down Most people have a variety of relationships that differ in the level of intimacy. Though not impossible, it’s unlikely that total strangers would dive into a very deep conversation. Because building relationships is an iterative process that takes time, perfect strangers, or those with a history of bad relations, are more likely to start building (or re-building) their relationships with more superficial topics of discussion. After they’ve found some common ground and established a new base-layer of trust, they become better able to scratch below the surface and eventually have deeper, more personal and more difficult conversations. Building Pillars not Walls To build relationships strong enough to tackle the personal, professional, or political challenges we face today, we must start by communicating. Through open, honest and truthful dialogue; by sharing our feelings and experiences, fears and joys; Pillars of Trust will rise. These Pillars will enable us to enjoy supportive relationships both at home and at work, find common purpose, and resolve or respect our differences.

On a recent LinkedIN Conversation in the Effective and Fun Training Techniques group, Jason Hughes asked for some recommended icebreakers, energizers, tips or tools for the face-to-face training of his small team, who generally already know each other. Often, he trains just a couple people at a time. Below is a synthesis of the conversation and recommendations. Make it worthwhile! As usual, whenever the topic of icebreakers is raised, a debate ensues about the utility or futility of such activities. The consensus seems to be that it should always have a purpose and be tied to your content. Here are a couple of reasons that might make it worth the time (you can read more on this topic here): Allow participants to express their expectations Introduce participants to one another Build a sense of community Introduce the content Set the tone for the session Help get conversations going Help people remember names Get people on their feet and get the blood flowing Engage participants in the learning process and set the tone for participation Give participants a sense of ownership over the learning Break down barriers between the trainer and the participants Encourage participants to think differently Understand the knowledge and experience of participants Enable participants to network with each other so they can use one another as a resource after the training has ended Bearing in mind that having a purpose is important, some of the most-liked tips include: 6 Thinking Hats Ask the group if they have workplace issues they want to address. This team activity focuses on problem-solving. I divide the group into teams and provide each team with a dice that has a colored hat on each side (representing De Bono’s 6 Thinking Hats). Team members roll the dice and have to approach the problem I give them from whatever color turns up on the dice. The next person then has to address the previous person’s comment as well as make their own comment based on the color that they roll. Info about 6 Thinking Hats can be found at Mind Tools. Mary Grace Dear Jane… Have partners write a letter, out loud/verbally, one word at a time. They each add a word and punctuation to build complete thoughts. It begins with “Dear, Name” and ends with “Sincerely, Name.” This shared activity connects the two to each other and can be catered to any topic. Regarding customer service, have partners role play a customer and a provider. Give them 2minutes, then 1minute, then 30 seconds, then 15 seconds, then 5 seconds to provide service. Compare and contrast how time affects their relationship with each other. ROI … Richard O Improv 2 Truths and a Lie The first person in the group says 3 things about him/herself, one of which is a lie. The first person to guess which is the lie is the next to say 3 things. Work around the group until everyone has gone. David Weimer  - See more notes on this activity Photographic metaphors Find pictures representing a metaphor of the content to be delivered (e.g. a road in construction for continuous development, a nice, clean and ordered park for teams applying procedures etc.) and ask people what do they see and how do they think the picture is connected to the content. That way you will know also how do they feel about the topic and what are their thoughts. Stefania Luca Exaggerated Role Play Ask each participant to exaggerate the worst experience they’ve had with the topic at hand in any place not necessarily relevant to the work situation. e.g. poor service: what they felt, how they reacted, what impression did it leave? Then walk them back by asking why it didn’t work and what options would work better; why they would and how to apply those solutions to the topic at hand. Zolia Rumble Who was I When? For groups who know each other pretty well, I like to use the Shaped by Our Past Thumball. The prompts get people to think back to the experiences who shaped them. Then, for an added twist, ask how that experience affects how they approach the training topic at hand. Share a Best Practice Task the participants with seeking out and sharing a “Best Practice.” Have them bring to every new session an example of something operational that links to the subject you’re running – a good and bad example and what they did / how they’d like help to deal with it. Stephen J. Whitton Paper Cut (or Geometric Draw) Give each person an identical piece of paper and tell them to close their eyes. Then, give a series of instructions to fold and tear the paper as you direct. When you instruct them to open their eyes, have each person unfold their paper and share it with the group. You will see how each person interpreted the instructions differently! This quickly shows that everyone has their own way of processing the training and it usually gets me off on the right foot each time. Maryanne Muigai A variation on the Paper Cut activity is to get pairs to sit back to back. Give one person a geometric design to describe while the other person attempts to draw it, so many aspects of effective communication in a fun exercise. Oonagh Cullen Pick a Positive Word I get the team to choose one positive word each and explain to the rest why they choose this positive and link it to the topic. I have experienced this sets a positive mood for the day. More interesting, later I will also use some of the participants’ explanation during the session. This creates some kind of happiness in the participants as their contribution is being valued in the session. Muniandy Pachiappan 2 extra hours… For a time management course, I start by asking if I could give you an extra 2 hours per week what would you do with it. Then I ask them not to tell me but to draw it and set a time limit of 1 minute. Josie Tata Complete the Sentence One activity I used is “Complete the sentence.” It draws out their existing views on the respective subject. e.g. “Time Mgmt is …”, “Customers are …”, “My nightmare on letter writing is …” Koh Thong Joo Celebrity Spot Ask your participants to write down on a piece of paper the name of the celebrity that looks like them or inspires them, and hand over the papers to you. Then, call each celebrity names and ask the group if they can spot who’s who. It works better in a small group of less than 20. Palesa Kubu Ask or Brainstorm: What would you like to learn? When I have small groups, and not much time, I’ll often start by asking them what they would like to learn or what their biggest struggles are with the topic. I’ll make a list on a whiteboard as they share. Then I use the time to work through their list. They always have ideas for each other too! Everyone gets something out of the session. Kelly Hammontree – Floyd Start with a Story Have a participant roll the Story Cube dice (which you can buy or make), and whatever picture (or word) it lands on, they have to tell the group about a story related to them (or the topic at hand). Rebecca Jones Pick the Perfect Hat Maybe a bit of an ‘off the wall’ answer but a while back I went into a charity shop and bought a load of hats. For one session, I threw them out and got participants to choose a hat that fits their personality! Bernard Genge Personal Infographic (drawing skills not needed!) While your group may know each other, they don’t always know light or funny things about each other. Have your group do an Introductory infographic about themselves. Give out colored construction paper, markers and colored pencils and give them 10 mins to draw 6 to 8 images, pictures, or shapes to describe the things most important to them. Then have them share their work and explain the meaning of each shape. It’s Fun, Empowering, Informative Dina Bell Nance Beachball or Thumball Inflate a beach ball and use a sharpie and print different questions all over the ball. As the ball is thrown from player to player, the person who catches the ball has to say their name and answer the question that their left thumb lands on. Tamasin Artru M.Ed If folks want to save a bit of time, the Silver Series Thumballs by Trainers Warehouse are ready to go with pre-printed content that can be used for Session Openers, Icebreakers, Getting to Know You, Leadership, Stress Management, Safety, Team Dynamics, Diversity, Communication, etc. https://www.trainerswarehouse.com/Thumballs/products/268/ Susan Landay More links here: https://icebreakerideas.com/icebreakers-for-team-staff-meetings/ https://www.funergizers.com/programs/team-meeting-activities https://www.trainerbubble.com https://icebreakerideas.com/icebreakers-for-team-staff-meetings/ https://www.wilderdom.com/ https://gamestorming.com/ www.trainerswarehouse.com https://www.emeroleary.com/icebreakers-with-a-twist/

When opposing parties get to the negotiating table, they too often dive into the meat of the deal and begin arguing for their perspective. We see that in how our government operates today and in how people discuss politics, family matters, work challenges, and more. It’s time to STOP, take a step back, and reflect on what’s missing from this equation. Soon after I left business school, I began working for a negotiation and consulting firm that was an offshoot of the Harvard Negotiation Project. I became an expert in Roger Fisher and Bill Ury’s Getting to Yes negotiation strategy and the “7-Elements” approach to conflict resolution. COMMUNICATION & RELATIONSHIPS: The two elements that let it all happen Boiled down, the main idea of the 7-Elements of Negotiation is that opposing parties are most likely to discover win-win solutions if they articulate their underlying INTERESTS, discuss a variety of OPTIONS, and talk about what unbiased STANDARDS will help them come to a fair agreement. Only then will they be equipped to make a joint COMMITMENT or independently pursue their ALTERNATIVES. (*Additional details below.) While those first five elements address the substance of the conversation or agreement, the remaining two address the process: COMMUNICATION and RELATIONSHIPS. As you can tell from the language above, discussing, articulating, and talking about different perspectives is the way to find common ground. Digging in your heals, advocating furiously that you’re right, and not listening to other perspectives do not yield creative, win-win solutions Without communication and relationships, any attempt to work out challenging problems (at home, at work, or in any organization) and come to an agreement will fall flat. That’s why it’s absolutely essential that we get better at COMMUNICATING and building RELATIONSHIPS. Building relationships through communication Communication helps build relationships for several reasons. First, the more you listen, the more you learn about others’ perspectives. Listening thoughtfully, without judgment or interruption, is also a show of caring and respect. With stronger relationships come deeper feelings of trust. Once you have the basis of an honest, trusting relationship, anything is possible — even tackling the most difficult problems and obstacles. Practice asking questions and actively listening to answers The best way to build relationships is to start by asking a question. Set your mind to learning about someone else. In Getting to Yes parlance, experts always suggest that you explore the other side’s interests and perspectives before sharing your own. Not sure where to start? There are lots of fun tools out there to stimulate conversation. Easy Ways to Start Conversations Conversation Decks If you want to engage in deeper conversations, you can find Conversation Decks that address dealing with change, feelings, strengths and weaknesses, values, giving feedback, and more. WeConnect cards provide a fast-paced, fun way to move beyond ice-breaking to real connections. The deck of 60 cards includes: 20 green cards with questions that are fun and light 20 blue cards asking questions that are a bit deeper 20 purple cards asking questions that encourage self-reflection. The set helps spark conversation and build trust by: Offering a suite of activities to cross-pollinate different departments across your company Arming employees and management with a set of questions to break down communication barriers and management hierarchies Giving employees permission to have fun and be excited about work Thumballs Thumballs are soft vinyl balls imprinted with discussion topics. Catch the ball and discuss the prompt under your thumb. Pre-printed topics include Session Openers (for soft-skills training), Getting to Know You, Shaped by Our Past, Leadership, Team Dynamics, Diversity, etc! Quick Response Answer Boards When working with a group of people, ask them all the same question and have them write their answer on an Answer Board. Invite everyone to walk around the room and reveal their answers at the same time. Then, ask people to form into groups of 3 or more with different (or similar) answers and discuss their responses. Mini-Metaphors If you have a small budget, another option is to throw a random collection of knick-knacks in a plastic baggie. Show the baggie to a friend or colleague. Ask each to select an item that represents a past experience, childhood memory, or goal for the future. Alternatively, make up a question prompt or your own. *The “7 elements” of Negotiation Defined INTERESTS – each party must articulate its goals and concerns OPTIONS – together, they must freely brainstorm solutions to satisfy those needs STANDARDS- opposing parties should look for unbiased criteria to evaluate and choose the fairest option COMMITMENT – once the parties agree on the best way they can work together, they compare that option to what they might achieve unilaterally ALTERNATIVES – If parties can’t come to agreement, what will they do? What’s their BATNA – Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement? COMMUNICATION – the process of discussing the substance of your agreement RELATIONSHIP – the interpersonal connections and trust that allow you to discuss the substance of the agreement  

As we try to regroup and refocus after our country’s “great divide,” we all need to work hard at setting new ground rules for respect and open dialogue. A refresher on good manners is long past due. As you talk with people who may have different viewpoints, you may first want to establish a few basic ground rules. When setting ground rules, explain that conversations about politics, diversity, and the like, can be emotionally charged. The goal is to create a safe environment in which people can share experiences, opinions, and fears. To ensure that conversation participants feel ownership over the rules and the process, ask them to take part in the development of the Ground Rules. When they’ve been part of the process, they’re more likely to adhere to the rules. Here are some that you might want on the list: Speak only for yourself No personal attacks Listen – make sure everyone feels heard and validated Only one person speaks at a time Use “I” statements Agree to disagree; disagree without being disagreeable Critique ideas, not people Be positive and non-judgmental; open to new ideas Because it sometimes helps to have visual reminders of the the “rules,” Trainers Warehouse created a set of downloadable posters.

Spencer Johnson’s Who Moved my Cheese allegory was first published in 1998 but is no less poignant today than it was 18 years ago, perhaps more so. It’s the story of two mice (Sniff and Scurry) and two humans (Hem and Haw) who live in a maze and one day are faced with change: someone moves their cheese. Reactions vary from quick adjustment to waiting for the situation to change by itself to suit their needs. I’ve been reflecting on the recent changes in our world–government administration, political discourse, job availability, climate, globalization, industries, organizations, family dynamics, you-name-it. With all of the uncertainty that surrounds us, only one thing is sure: that change will occur. The question is, how will we deal with it? Will we look the other way or deny it’s happening like Hem and Haw? Will we anticipate and plan for it, like Sniff and Scurry? No matter who you supported during the 2016 campaign season, the change of administration has everyone feeling uncertain. With many Hillary supporters still in shock by the election results; and Trump supporters miffed about broken promises and priorities, I just reread Dr. Johnson’s story to look for some pearls of wisdom for our current challenges and was reminded: Change can surprise you only if you don’t expect it Don’t let fear stop you from trying something new Imagine what success will look like Given that we may be living with uncertainty and change for some time, we must check our attitudes toward change and explore how we can reframe it as a positive experience. Embracing the “Cheese Philosophy,” we must anticipate change, let go of the old, and fearlessly kick into action–in our personal lives, our jobs, and our communities. If you want a Cheese Philosophy reminder, try keeping a squeezable Cheese Wedge or Cheese and Mice Fidget Toy at your desk! You might also want to read the story yourself and have a book group discussion about the most important changes in your life and how you can take action.  

After the most divisive political season in our nation’s history, I think we’re all trying to figure out how to move on. We talk about unifying our divided country, about building mutual support and repairing relationships, but have little idea how to do it. The key to building relationships (or re-building them, as the case may be), has been and always will be through communication. We must start conversing again about topics that matter. “Conversing” means we’ll have two-way dialogues, where everyone makes an effort to ask questions, listen to answers, understand the diversity of our backgrounds and experiences, and respect differences. We must do our best to understand others’ perspectives with an open mind, so that we can together find common ground and mutually agreeable solutions to complex issues. If we disagree, let us do so respectfully. Let us move away from black and white, and find a silver that suits us all. Yes, silver, not gray, because it’s so much more appealing and reminds us to look for “silver linings” in the clouds. Whether or not our leaders talk to each other with civility, we must. We must take it upon ourselves to set the tone for the discourse that we want in our companies, homes, and communities. Finding our “Silver” Figuring out what questions to ask at a time like this is tricky. In the past, I’ve found it useful to consider the level of intimacy and understanding you hope to achieve, using these four levels as a guide: LEVEL 1: Icebreaker questions – surface questions to stimulate casual conversation LEVEL 2: Common ground questions – find shared interests and build new relationships LEVEL 3: Getting to know you questions – probing prompts to get to the real you LEVEL 4: Deep-Dive questions – deeper discussions to build intimacy and understanding or to address specific challenges If you want to steer clear of politics, starting with Level 1 questions will feel very safe, but won’t necessarily get you that far in building common understanding. Farthest place I’ve traveled Beautiful beach I want to see Animated film I’d view again Chinese food I always order Favorite candy treats Favorite nursery rhyme or fairy tale Museum I’d visit TV channels I like What makes me laugh For folks who are just meeting each other or need to find shared interests and common ground, Level 2 questions can be a good start: What do you like to do on vacation? How do you spend free time Who are the most important people in your life? For good advice, who do you turn to first? Where I wish I lived Something new I’d like to try or learn What do you worry about? Level 2: Common Ground As you build up to Level 3 questions, you move a little deeper to understand others’ motivations, goals, personality, and the experiences that shape who they are. Discussion prompts might include: A non-family member who had an impact on your life A proud childhood moment Your happiest time of life A stressful experience you lived through A time you got in trouble at school A time you went to the hospital An important turning point in your life The age at which you became an adult An experience that made you a better person Something you did that got you in trouble Level 3: Shaped by Our Past and Getting to Know You Starting with a foundation of understanding and mutual respect and a shared agreement of ground rules (i.e. that you will focus on listening, speak only for yourself, etc.), you can delve into Level 4 questions: How should we manage disagreements? Give an example of a goal we are all working towards How can we prevent negative energy from bringing us down? Which would be harder for you: looking different or feeling different? A behavior you encountered that you found disrespectful What would be hardest about being confined to a wheelchair? Level 4: Team Dynamics and Diversity In the past, political questions may have been perceived as Level 2 or 3 questions, but with emotions running as high as they are today, we’d have to categorize them in Level 4. Here are some that might help you toward a path of mutual understanding–remember, the goal is to get each person to speak from their heart about their own fears and beliefs, staying away from the rhetoric shared by any candidate: How do your political beliefs differ from your parents? As you think about immigrants and our changing demographics, what’s your greatest fear? Do you share the same political beliefs as family and friends? What are your core values? What worries you most about our nation? What’s your greatest concern about health care and insurance? What new energy form are you most intrigued by? What modern convenience do you think is most harmful to our planet? Assuming that black lives DO matter and the Police play an important role in our communities, what would you do differently? With respect to the job market, are you most concerned about: your own job, the overall unemployment rate, salary and wages? How do you view the role of the USA in world? How do you want non-Americans to think of the US? Opening our dialogue with questions like these will help Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Independents and others, folks with different beliefs, begin to understand what’s important to them–what they value and what they fear–without focusing on the poisonous rhetoric of the political candidates. NOTE: Except for the political questions, all conversation prompts are available on the Trainers Warehouse website, where you will find our line of “Silver Series” Thumballs.  

Many years ago, Diane Schabath posted a question on LinkedIN, asking for icebreaker suggestions to use at a company-wide meeting. “The challenge,” she said, is that it needs to be something that people complete as they arrive; we want people to mix and meet each other but not wait until all 90 team members arrive. Folks wrote in with tons of suggestions. Here are some highlights: Piccles – a drawing icebreaker Here’s one I picked up and wanted to share! Create a login at app.piccles.com. Here’s how it works: Create an icebreaker question – it can be anything… a goal for the day… how you’re feeling right now… a favorite hobby… NOTE THE “CODE” so you can give it to participants. Ask participants to JOIN by visiting app.piccles.com on their phone, and typing in the code. Participants DRAW THEIR ANSWER and click DONE. The drawing instantly appears on the shared board. CHOOSE a drawing and ask the creator to “tell us about it.” – Optionally, GIVE AN AWARD to that participant. M&Ms * Skittles * Gummy Bears Assign a fun question to each color like, “If you were on a desert island what one thing would you bring?” or “What’s a secret place near where you live?” You could put them into groups as they wonder in and give them a bag of candy. Then as they draw a piece (without looking into the bag), they answer the question and eat the candy. And it goes around the circle that way. To help with the mingling, you could have them change groups from time to time. ~ Catherine Branner Give each person a bag of multicolor gummy bears as they arrive (if you want 6 groups in the end, then each bag has 6 colors). Instruct them to find people and trade for one specific color so that they end up with all gummy bears of one color. Its great because some will start to collect red, but then get stuck and have to switch to blue. You can order the single colors on this site: https://www.albanesecandy.com/individual/ ~ Pam Malloy Quotes For discussion: Have some thought-provoking quotes written up and stuck around the walls. Search for Deming, Churchill, Ghandi, Buffet, Jobs, Branson – look for something that’s profound and insightful. Upon entry, have a sign that invites people to read the quotes and think about the message, then discuss the quotation with others in the room. There’s no pressure to participate with a game, there’s encouragement to speak to others. ~ Dave Smith Unscramble the quote: For each quote you select, write each word separately on a sheet of paper (preferably different coloured sheets); scrumple each into a box or bag. Ask each participant to take one of these crumpled sheets. If for example a sentence contains 14words-you will have on ground these 14 participants-instructed to open up their paper, read and say the word out and then network around to try to match their words with other participants; Each word is to be laid on the floor (please not taking anything for granted-hoping the meeting room is well carpeted or decent flooring ) forming a “Paper Sentence Scrabble” which will read a quote or a definition or…as you the Trainer designed. ~ Caroly Solanke Community Puzzle Distribute a blank puzzle piece to every participant. Have them decorate their piece however they wish, perhaps including their name, interests, illustrations, etc. Have them explain the meaning of their design to a few fellow participants. Then assemble the puzzle into a colorful mosaic that they can all enjoy and explore over the course of the training session. You could also distribute a piece before the session and have them bring it with them. The possibilities are endless. For instance, you might ask them to write or illustrate a learning they hope to gain. It’s also a great debrief at the end of the session — to review what they hoped to learn and see if those expectations were met. Jigsaw Puzzle Since there would be about 90 participants, buy a few jigsaw puzzle packs with not more than 10 pieces each. Let’s assume, you will have 9 packs in hand with 90 pieces altogether. Mix them all. Put individual pieces in small envelopes with simple instructions to find other individuals in the group, and complete the picture. This will help you overcome all your limitations you currently face, and also kick in some fin and excitement without making it too complicated. ~ Prabhaker N Thakur Name Tag Fun Have people’s name tags set out. Again, depending on the group they may be blank or they may have the name on. I have instructions nearby asking them to take their name tag and using coloured pens, if they wish, to then draw three symbols representing who they are. The symbols can be generic or related to the topic. I offer suggestions and leave it completely open. The instruction sheet then asks them to find two or three people who they do not know and share their stories about the symbols. I find it can be a good way to mix and to start work on the reason they are present at the training event. Some people relish the creative aspect, others do it quickly and move on, it allows for variety and involvement from the beginning. ~ Chris Harkess Postcard connections Have a 100 small items and or postcards or ask participants to bring something. They will need to choose something that relates or means something to them. Let them partner up with someone or a small group of say 5 as they come in randomly. Ask each person to describe the item or picture, then discuss: Why I choose this; What it means to me; One word to describe how it relates to my personality / thinking. ~ Sharon Wint-Gordon I won a million dollars Ask people to share what they would do with the money if they won the lottery. BUT, instead of saying “I would do this or that,” have them phrase it as if they’d already done it: ” I bought my mother a brand new 4 bedroom house with a view of a golf course, a pool and a tennis court!” or “I am driving my Charcoal grey, outside and wine colored leather seated new convertible with the top down, MB right out of the lot today!” or I set up the ST. Jude’s Hospital with an endowment of $1,000,000 that grows every year to help their research.” It’s also a great lesson for teaching GOALS and VISION. ~ Judy McKee Paper Airplanes Have on hand old newspapers/magazines and black marker pens. Ask participants to make paper planes using the materials, then ask them to write their name and one thing they can be identified by… ( color of clothing, height, accessory, etc…). Then ask them to randomly shoot the paper plane into the group. Each participant must then pick up a random paper plane that lands by them and go in search of the person who launched it. This forms a human network as each participant who finds the person on a paper plane also gets introduced to those already in the network ~ Carmel Ellis 5-minute handshakes As they arrive, ask people to mingle and talk to someone for 5 mins and find 3 things they have in common with them and three things that they are different on. Tell them to write the answers on the back of the other person’s business card and keep it. Ring a bell or buzzer every 5 minutes to get people to move around. Also, in the debrief or before you move on start the meeting, if you ask people which was easiest, they will probably say finding things in common. It leads into the power of asking questions and listening as well as finding common ground and being interested in other people, which are all communication and influencing skills. Have some blank cards for those who don’t have business cards. ~ Teresa Cook Happy Families As people arrive, give each one a playing card from a set of “Happy Families” cards. Then ask them to go and find the rest of their family (7 in each family) – during registration/welcome coffee. Once they had found each other, they were all asked to converse and find two things their family had in common (things that were not obvious like being bald and wearing glasses!). We gave them 15 minutes to find family and agree on two items. Then we entered the main conference room and to get started and really break the ice we asked each family to come up and tell us their two things (10 families, 1 minute each) Total icebreaker time including welcome coffee /breakfast 40 minutes. Can be done in 30 if people are punctual. Excellent for people who do not know each other and for seminar event. ~ Sally Ann Moore Real time Survey If you have internet access and a good projection system, try an online survey. As people file in they complete the online survey. As the results are tallied, the results change (are updated) on the screen. This creates ideas about what participants would like to gain from the program. It also generates discussion. If you can run two screens up front (or a split screen), have one side show the survey and the second side how comments on the survey. It will not only grab their attention, it creates the feeling of community. ~ Debra Brown Thumball Thumball can be another great Icebreaker. ~Naresh Sen We had a volleyball that had general “tell me something about yourself” questions on it. We would throw it to one of our participants and on whatever question their hand landed on, they would share that with the rest of the group if they were comfortable doing so. This was for a ‘beach themed’ training during the summer and it worked really well for us. ~ Elizabeth Bennet I use a Fire or Ice icebreaker. It is a series of opposites of sorts. One person asks the other and the other person chooses one of the words and explains why. Then the pair exchanges roles. Opposites include Fire or Ice, Sun or Moon, Winter or Summer, 0 or 100, letters or numbers, student or teacher… ~ Meghan Freeman Crayon Craze People select a crayon when they enter the room or they have crayons at their table. Then at various points during a workshop they find others who have similar colors or opposite colors. It’s a great way to create partnerships or small groups. ~ Debra Brown Birth order I split the room into zones and put up signs; the eldest, the middle one, the youngest, the only one and ask people discuss what life lessons they learned from the position they held in their family. ~ Wendy Garcarz Find a match I have used beer mats as an energizer. Cut beer mats in half in a random way. Make a hole in the rounded part of each half beer mat and put some string or ribbon through. Everyone puts their half beer mat round their neck and goes round introducing themselves to everyone trying to match up their mats. Gets everyone talking while they are look for their ‘other half’~ Gail Page Chain Reaction This one requires smaller teams of 20 each and ask them to form longest connected chain using all the resources available with them but nothing external. Ask them to share with each other one thing they like most. Each person has to repeat what the earlier participants said by speaking in the sequence their name and what they like most, then adding their own. This activity brings out the importance of listening attentively as part of effective communications. in the first round prompting is permitted. ~ Vijay Batra Have people standing near each other to create a chain of commonalities or connections. After they put themselves in “order” have them link to another group. In the end, everyone will be linked to everyone else. ~ Susan D. Community Mural Prepare 10 blank posters on the wall and supply ample pastels/crayons. Distribute participants evenly among them as they come in. Tell them to fill the poster according to the theme identified at the top, “Happy Moments” “Fondest Dreams” or even… My Dream Company. Ask every member to contribute to every poster, so that the whole paper becomes filled. ~ Jalini Alias Networking is hard! Those of us who are extraverts think of icebreakers as a wonderful way to facilitate networking. Those of us who are introverts look at those same events with a mixture of trepidation and dread. Jim Barker’s Monday Cartoon, captures the essence well.

I was blown away to see the popularity of Fidget Cube on Kickstarter a couple of years ago. Over 50,000 “backers” pledged more than $2,000,000 in just the first week (and the developers were only looking for $15,000 to get started). Despite a hint of jealousy, I’m truly delighted to see this. As the President of Trainers Warehouse, I’ve been selling and developing fidget toys since 1998. Today, we sell the world’s largest selection of fidget toys to both adult and youth markets. The best part about Fidget Cube’s sweeping success, is that it reflects a new awareness and acceptance of fidget toys. It’s about time. Over 6.4 million American children aged 4-17 are reported to have been diagnosed with ADHD. While Fidget Cube is new and unique, featuring six different fiddling experiences all in one item — you can click, glide, switch, press, roll, or spin the gizmos on each side of the cube — the understanding that different people prefer to fidget in different ways is old news. When it comes to keeping idle fingers busy, fidgeters have a myriad of options. I hope this perspective will help you find your perfect fidget toy or toys. Why fidget? Many recent studies and articles in both scientific and popular magazines have explored the causes and effects of fidgeting. If you were to ask people who are fidgeters, why they do it, they’ll likely tell you they can’t help it. . . they simply can’t sit still. Thankfully, educators are have come to understand that it’s okay. In fact, research and anecdotal evidence have identified many benefits derived from fidgeting, fidget toys and doodling, such as: Improved focus – kinesthetic learners focus better if they have something to do with their hands Use of “floating attention” enables people to concentrate better on a single task Stress relief– hand-held manipulatives can put people at ease Promotion of a relaxed, playful mindset Engagement the whole brain – discussions are left-brained; toys tap into the creative right brain Increased memory and retention What’s your perfect fidget toy? Many fidgeters will use whatever object happens to be in their hand or on their desk. This probably sounds familiar to pencil chewers, pen clickers, ring twisters, nail biters, hair twirlers, and key-chain swingers. They’ll fidget with whatever is most easily within arms reach. However, rather than leaving it to chance, savvy educators and meeting planners who understand the benefits of fidgeting have taken to providing an assortment of fidget toys to their groups. If you ever put out a basket of different sorts of fidget toys, you’ll be intrigued to see that one type doesn’t suit all. Different people have different preferences for both the tactile experience of a fidget toy and the types of movement it enables. Consider some of these variables: Material – Fidget toys run the gamut when it comes to material. Wood, plastic, metal, rubber, stone, and latex components can create items that feel soft, squishy, hard, wiry, or malleable. The “softer” fidget toys, such as sand, clay or putty, fuzzy pipe cleaners, and squeezable balls like the air-filled. Puffer Balls, and sand-filled Isoflex Balls lend themselves to squeezing and shaping. Beach-in-a-Box kinesthetic sand fall into this category too. Materials that are more firm are often manipulated in other ways, such as bending, flexing or twisting. Tangle, Klixx, and Magnetic Stones are great examples. In a class by itself is the KOOSH ball with its iconic rubbery strands offering a singularly unique feel. Motion – Some are not drawn to a fidget toy because of the material, but rather the motion used to manipulate it. Consider what form of movement is most soothing — stretching, twisting, flexing, building, spinning, shaping, clicking, etc. When thinking about the motion required to manipulate a fidget toy, you will become aware that some are better suited for either one hand or two, while others are satisfying no matter how many hands you use. You will also find that some require the motion of just one finger (like pen clicking), rather than using more muscles. Fidget toys that let you build, mold or shape can stoke creativity and activate different areas of the brain in a way that simply clicking a pen would not do. Gyrobi, Loopeez and Jeliku, each move in a distinct fashion. Size – Having a fidget that’s small in size can be a big issue. I’ve heard of many fidgeters who like to keep something in a pant pocket, so that it’s easily transported, indiscreet, and can be used without anyone seeing. Tutti from Fidgetland is a great example. Small fidget toys can also be ideal for one-handed use and finger-tip manipulation. However, the small items don’t always feel as good in your hand as ones that are a bit larger and chunkier, which can both feel more substantial and engage more of your muscles and therefore more parts of the brain. Weight – our fidget toy testers tend to prefer items that have a little heft or weight. Of course, they can’t be too heavy or cumbersome, but those that are really light or flimsy are often found to be less appealing. Appearance – Even though fidgeting is really a tactile experience, looks do seem to matter. Fidgeters are drawn to playful colors, looks, and shapes when choosing the perfect fidget toy. Because memory and recall have been shown to improve when more areas of the brain are activated, the additional stimulus created by the visual, auditory, and emotional experience of using a fidget toy is likely to have a positive impact. Cost – Serious fidgeters are the least sensitive to cost and will not flinch at a cost of $10-$25 for a single item. If you’re looking to purchase one item for individual use, you will likely pay a premium for the right item. If you like variety or are buying for a classroom, meeting room, or team of people, you may have a stronger interest in keeping the individual price a little lower. Fidget toys generally run anywhere from $1.00 to $12.00, with the average being closer to $3.50. Sound – ideally a fidget toy will be silent, but not all of them are. A pen clicking is not silent, nor is a Slinky, but they are still great fidget tools. Simply be aware that some may be louder and more distracting than others and ascertain whether your group is mature enough to control the sounds of their fidget toys or not. Durability – many tools that we use as fidgets were initially developed for the toy market. They are fairly inexpensive and if you try to break them, you probably will succeed. If it’s not strong enough to withstand a lot of repetitive motion, it shouldn’t be called a fidget toy! Still, you will find some variance in durability and washability. Hard plastic, wood, and metal are likely to stand the test of time longer than rubbery or gel-filled items, which pick up more dirt and are more difficult to clean. Fidget toys come in literally dozens of colors, shapes, sizes, and materials. If you’re among the millions of people to have #fidgetfever, taking a bit of time to think about what features will suit your needs or the needs of your group can help you narrow your options. I encourage you to jump on the Fidget Cube bandwagon and support them through KickStarter AND start building your own collection of fidget toys, so that no matter what your mood, what you’re doing, or who you’re with, you have the perfect fidget to help you focus. Some great shops for fidget toys include: Trainers Warehouse and Therapy Shoppe. More on choosing fidgets The Ultimate Fidget Matrix Finding the Right Fidget for Any Sensory Diet – ADHD and more More articles and research on Fidgeting Squirm With Purpose Stress Toys: Mindlessness With A Purpose? The Benefits Of Fidgeting For Students With ADHD (June 22, 2015) Why Do We Fidget? Using Stress Balls To Focus The Attention Of Students

I have a friend who’s always said you don’t have to get to know someone in the first 5 minutes… or even the first few times you meet. It takes a lifetime to get to know someone. How true that is. And yet, for many, our tendency is to rush and learn as quickly as possible if someone we meet will remain an acquaintance or become a true friend. While people seem to be increasingly good at texting, snap-chatting, tweeting and facebook posting, conversation is becoming a lost art. Perhaps this is part of the reason why icebreaker questions and conversation prompts have proliferated online. Another explanation could be the fact that our lives are increasingly complex and the number of people we “connect” with has grown exponentially. In response, our tendency is to find communication shortcuts and determine as quickly as possible if we want to invest our precious time into getting to know someone better. Whatever the reason, we hunger for new questions to prompt conversations–prompts that are a step up from “Do you come here often?” 4 levels of discussion prompts In recent years, I’ve scanned through hundreds of conversation prompts that folks have posted online. Some I’ve found to be pretty good; but others, to be honest, are rather uninspiring. Admittedly, determining the right question to ask to start a conversation, is hard. The “best questions” to ask may depend on your goals, how well you already know the other person, the type of relationship you want to develop, and how intimately you want to connect with them. In other words, how deep do you want to get? When evaluating and considering discussion prompts, think of these four levels as a continuum. Differentiate easy-to-answer surface questions to deeper and more introspective let’s-get-personal questions: LEVEL 1: Icebreaker questions – surface questions to stimulate casual conversation LEVEL 2: Common ground questions – find shared interests and build new relationships LEVEL 3: Getting to know you questions – probing prompts to get to the real you LEVEL 4: Deep-Dive questions – deeper discussions to build intimacy and understanding or to address specific challenges Going deeper than icebreaker questions Through this lens, those discussion prompts that I initially found to be uninspiring are better understood as Level 1 “Icebreaker questions.” If you just want to scratch the surface or make light conversation, then there’s nothing wrong with a question like, “What’s your favorite fast food restaurant?” or “What’s your favorite cartoon character?” Such questions are not necessarily conversation starters or relationship-builders, but they can help you break the silence and get people talking to, and maybe laughing with, each other. For those who want to go a little deeper than simply talking about the weather or other superficial topics, Level 2 discussion prompts help people find common ground — that is, topics and interests they might share. These prompts should be easy to answer and not delve too deeply into inner secrets. The goal is to use these questions to determine with whom you might like to build deeper relationships. Moving down to Level 3, Getting to know you questions start to uncover the real person. While these may take a little more thought to answer, they are likely to reveal more about an individual’s goals, ambitions, and past experiences. Prompts that fall into these categories include: A high school regret, How your birth order affected you, Something I’d like to learn, A major decision, A memorable moment, etc. Taking a deep dive Level 4 Deep-Dive questions can grow more intimate or delve into a specific topic like stress, diversity, or team dynamics. In Mandy Len Catron’s New York Times essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she references a study by psychologist Arthur Aron who “succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory.” The study went like this: “A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of 36 increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes.” 6 months later, the couple married! In his study, Aron categorized his questions into three levels. He skips over the more trivial icebreaker questions, starting with this one: “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?”; and ending with, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.” The two core principles in his study are: As you grow more comfortable, you become more willing to answer personal questions. The experience of discussing personal topics truly does bring people closer together. “A lifetime” vs. “the right questions” While not everyone looking for conversation prompts is hoping to fall in love, many long for a way to connect more deeply with the people in their lives–at work, at home, and in the community. Depending on your goals, and how deep you want to go, you can find loads of discussion questions online, as I mentioned earlier. Unfortunately, they’re generally not sorted by goals or levels of conversational intimacy. An easy and playful resource for discussion topics that are categorized by level is the Trainers Warehouse line of Thumballs. Each ball is imprinted with 32 specially selected prompts for a specific depth of communication. If the sequence of questions is not important (as it is in the 36 Questions), the spirit of play brought in by the Thumball can also help to reduce stress and foster increased sharing. To play, you might choose to have each participant answer a different question. Alternatively, have everyone respond to the same prompt before jumping to the next one. Thumball activities are also incredibly easy to facilitate. All you need to do is select the one best suited to your group’s needs. Although it might take a lifetime to truly know someone. Still, a handful of really good discussion prompts can get you pretty close, in a much shorter time. Read More Making “Big Talk” Safe 7 Tips for Formulating Great Questions

YFS Magazine (Young, Fabulous and Self-employed) ran an article a while back “100 Core Values from 15 Winning Companies.” They looked at a range of companies, including Zappos, Toms Shoes, Whole Foods, Accenture, Teach for America, Rackspace, A Weber, Barnes & Noble, Google, American Express, Four Season Hotels & Resorts, CarMax, Salesforce.com, Boston Consulting Group, and Quicken Loans. Sorting the 100 core values by theme, rather than by organization, interesting trends began to emerge. These 15 high-performance companies–across various industries–certainly aim to deliver a whole lot more than profit. Most Popular Core Values The following list is presented in order of the frequency with which the value was mentioned (the number reflects the instances in which that concept was listed). Social Responsibility (16) Customer Service (15) Respect (8) Team (8) Quality (6) Learning (6) Integrity (4) Fun (4) Communication (3) Partnerships (3) Diversity (3) Change (2) Creativity (2) Leadership (2) Passion (2) A group at Stanford Graduate School of Business took another stab at determining which core values matter most, by asking alumni “What values are important to you in business?” Key themes emerging from their interviews included, treating others the way you want to be treated (Respect), Integrity, Open and honest communication, Trust, Appreciation, Honesty, Passion, Transparency, and Making a difference. With Social Responsibility and Customer Service topping the list, it is impressive to see companies looking outside themselves. Several tools can help your group discuss and promote your organization’s core values: Tools to Recognize Core Values i noticed… Pads: recognize efforts to implement core values Sometimes GREAT work happens in small ways. Let people know you’ve noticed the big and small efforts they make each day to contribute to your organization, promote its mission, and create positivity. Use carbonless Kudos to give recognition and keep a record of it! Each time you send someone a note of appreciation, you’ll have a duplicate to keep in your file — or pass on to a manager or mentor who might want to know about your hero’s achievements. Each page is printed with: “I noticed… you took our values to heart”. Check off the appropriate boxes and include your own “from the heart” message. NOTE: Set includes 3 pads; each pad is 4.25″ x 5.5″ and has 50 2-part carbonless sets. Alternatively, try KUDOS Note Pads that let you acknowledge a colleague’s efforts to implement core values. Positivity Pack: include a strong message about values when onboarding new employees Send the message that you mean business when it comes to creating a positive corporate culture or learning environment. Give each colleague a “Positivity Pack” with key icons that reflect your organization’s values and personality. For instance, you might include: Team guys: support and respect the team Smile Ball: Make customers happy! Mini-Sneaker: go the extra mile to improve quality Learning Mo-Mints: keep growing and learning Party Blowout: have fun (Fun) Stretchy String: be flexible and open to change Mirror Ball: embrace diverse perspectives Crayons: express your creativity

Although much has been written about the Zeigarnik effect — the brain’s proven ability to remember beginnings and endings better than middle’s. English teacher, Brian Szatbnik’s speaks from observation and experience in his Edutopia article, “The 8 Minutes that Matter Most.” He says, If we fail to engage students at the start, we may never get them back. If we don’t know the end result, we risk moving haphazardly from one activity to the next. Every moment in a lesson plan should tell. “The eight minutes that matter most are the beginning and endings. If a lesson does not start off strong by activating prior knowledge, creating anticipation, or establishing goals, student interest wanes, and you have to do some heavy lifting to get them back. If it fails to check for understanding, you will never know if the lesson’s goal was attained.” He offers 8 tips to make those memorable moments magical: Beginnings Trend With YouTube YouTube reaches more 18- to 34-year-olds than any cable channel. And, there’s something for every grade, subject, and approach on YouTube. Not only does it make learning HD visible, it also allows teachers to make connections that could never have happened before. Start With Good News If you want to create a safe space for students to take risks, you won’t get there with a pry bar. Classrooms that celebrate success build the comfort necessary for students to ask critical questions, share ideas, and participate in honest and open discussions. Starting with celebrations is a short, easy way to get there. Cross Disciplines Toss a football around the class before you teach the physics of a Peyton Manning spiral. Play a song that makes a classical allusion for your mythology unit. Measure the angles of a Picasso painting in math class. Integrating other disciplines teaches students that ideas and concepts do not stand alone but rather exist within a wider web of knowledge. Starting with another discipline can open their senses to deeper learning. Write for 5 Kelly Gallagher says that students should write four times as much as a teacher can grade. Students need to write — a lot — if they are to improve. One way to achieve that is to start each day with an essential question that students must spend five minutes answering. If done day after day, it becomes ritualistic and builds stamina. Grant Wiggins and Jay McTighe have a diverse list of essential questions. Endings Level Up It’s no secret that kids love video games, as they reach for new levels and higher rankings. Teachers can play upon this need by having students chart their own progress toward mastery based on standards. Creating game levels such as beginner, heroic, legendary, and mythic may be just the right motivation to engage reluctant learners. Exit Tickets Robert Marzano classifies exit tickets into four different categories: formative assessment data, student self-analysis, instructional strategy feedback, and open communication. However they are used, they provide quick and comprehensive bits of data and feedback. Wiggins and McTighe also have a comprehensive list of checks for understanding. Mimic Social Media Replicate the digital world’s spirit of collaboration and connection in the physical classroom. Erin Klein has written about the positive ways to use of Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram in the classroom. In the final four minutes, you can challenge students to compose a tweet or find an image best capturing the learning that occurred. Post-It Power Have students write one thing that they learned from someone else in class on a Post-it note and stick it to the chalkboard. At the start of the next day, read these notes aloud. This affirms that a classroom is a community of learners and validates participation because it does so much more than answer a question — it helps others understand more deeply. “The 8 Minutes That Matter Most” by Brian Sztabnik in Edutopia, January 5, 2015. More tools for getting closure can be found at Trainers Warehouse.

More and more is being written about the science of WHY we fidget. From articles in Fast Company magazine, the Huffington Post, and Sunni Brown‘s TED talk on doodling, we better understand the prevalence and utility of fidgeting and doodling, especially for folks with ADD and ADHD. But I’ve been wondering if all of us could benefit from more fidgeting . . . especially when we’re reading online and driving — which we all do all the time! Let’s start with the basics, as described by Jessica Hullinger in her article, “The Science of Why we Fidget While We Work“: WHY DO WE FIDGET?  According to Roland Rotz and Sarah D. Wright, authors of Fidget To Focus: Outwit Your Boredom: Sensory Strategies For Living With ADHD: “If something we are engaged in is not interesting enough to sustain our focus, the additional sensory-motor input that is mildly stimulating, interesting, or entertaining allows our brains to become fully engaged and allows us to sustain focus on the primary activity in which we are participating.” In other words, the authors believe fidgeting distracts part of the brain that’s become bored so the other parts can pay attention to what we’re reading, hearing, or seeing. They say this “floating attention” could be an evolutionary trait that “dates back to prehistoric times when the ability to focus 100% on a single task was not entirely desirable and would result in a person missing the large ravenous beast hiding in the bushes.” WHAT DOES FIDGETING DO FOR OUR PRODUCTIVITY? Research shows a correlation between working with our hands and increased memory and creativity. A recent study found that writing by hand rather than typing on a keyboard helps us better process and retain information. And mindless doodling can boost memory and attention span. One 2005 study concluded that kids who are allowed to fidget during class learn more quickly than those who are not.” The next logical question is WHEN SHOULD WE FIDGET? Fidgeting is increasingly becoming an “acceptable” behavior for those with ADHD and others when: Learning Talking on the phone Participating in meetings Given how distracted everyone is these days, constantly checking for emails, instagrams, snapchats, texts, and tweets, I think there are many more situations that would benefit from more fidgeting. Fidget while reading Back in the day when people regularly read or studied from books — the kind that were printed on paper and bound — they could enjoy the tactile experience of fluttering the pages, lifting sheets, underlining key passages, or making notes in the margin. Now, with so much of our reading done electronically on computer screens and e-readers, with little or no tactile experience, it’s no wonder that studies report that reading speed and retention have declined, as did Ferris Jabr’s article, “The Reading Brain in the Digital Age: The Science of Paper versus Screens,” published in Scientific American. I’ve taken to keeping a fidget toy on hand when I need to read a long article online and it definitely helps! Fidget while driving This morning, while listening to the radio on my drive into work, I picked up a couple of golf balls that were rattling around in the side pocket of the door. As I was fidgeting with them, rolling them around each other with one hand (the other was on the wheel, of course!), I realized why so many people are tempted by their cell phones when driving. The culprit is the same “floating attention” that can distract us at school or work. Although your old driving instructor might not agree (“both hands on the wheel at 10 and 2!”), maybe we can eliminate texting while driving, with the help of “car fidgets?” Fidget while you wait Remember the days when people would talk to each other while they waited in line? At the bagel shop, post office, RMV, retail shops, barber shop or hair salon, wherever, you’d strike up a conversation with people around you. Now, we tuck in our chins and look down at our phones to play a game, read an article, or post a message. A fidget on hand would let us re-engage with the world around us. Fidget while you pray I know it sounds sacrilegious, but honestly, it would probably help us stay more focused during religious meetings and events. Fidget while you chat Have you ever been sitting at a table or bar and found yourself playing with a straw, napkin, cork, salt or paper shaker? Do you find yourself feeling more at ease with a glass in your hand — not just because of the drink inside the glass — but because it gives you something to do with your hands? Have you ever reached for a cigarette for exactly the same reason? Once again, bring on the fidget toys! Where do you fidget? As you embrace fidgeting more and more, please share the ways in which it has helped you focus better, strengthen relationships, and live happier.

Pam A, Mueller and Daniel M. Oppenheimer (from Princeton University and University of California, respectively), studied the impact of taking notes longhand versus on a computer. Writing Notes Is Better! Here’s what they found and published in the Psychological Science journal: “Taking notes on laptops rather than in longhand is increasingly common. Many researchers have suggested that laptop note taking is less effective than longhand note taking for learning. Prior studies have primarily focused on students’ capacity for multitasking and distraction when using laptops. The present research suggests that even when laptops are used solely to take notes, they may still be impairing learning because their use results in shallower processing. In three studies, we found that students who took notes on laptops performed worse on conceptual questions than students who took notes longhand. We show that whereas taking more notes can be beneficial, laptop note takers’ tendency to transcribe lectures verbatim rather than processing information and reframing it in their own words is detrimental to learning.” Involve More Senses In general, the more parts of the brain that are engaged in activity, the more memorable it becomes. Manual notetaking likely trumps computer notes because of our physical experience–we feel the weight of the pen, the smell and feel of the paper. The look of the words on the paper, etc. Read More Research on Doodling Applying Brain Science to Teaching

Several years ago, Garry Platt, a Learning & Development Specialist at EEF Ltd., posed the question. He presented two training tables–one with a smattering of fidget toys, and one without. He asked, simply, “A or B?” then posted his results on LinkedIN – A or B?. The responses speak for themselves! People prefer toys! 75% Prefer Toys on the Tables The question was simple: you’re attending a training event, you enter the room, which table layout would you prefer: A or B? When the study was conducted on LinkedIN, 907 people have responded. 127 (14%) voted A, the room on the left. No materials, just pens, name plates and pads. 680 (75%) Voted B, the room on the right. Materials, pens, name plates, and pads. 100 (11%) Gave a qualified answer or expressed no definite choice. Create a Welcoming Environment Platt’s informal study reinforces the notion that appearances matter. When learners walk into a room, they want to see a space that’s clean, but also fun. Not sure you agree, consider the quintessential kindergarten classroom. Teachers work hard to create a welcoming environment that will put students at ease. The key is finding a balance between calm and stimulating, fun and professional. But, at the end of the day, remember that most people “prefer toys”!  

In a popular discussion on the SHRM group’s LinkedIN page, HR experts shared their favorite ways of saying Thank You to employees. From the 100+ comments, some themes and favorites emerged: Make it personal and say it in person, if you can Look someone in the eye, shake their hand, and say “thank you” in person. (Rita Olsen) Send an email CCing their direct report. (Adam Lieber) If someone works remotely a phone call, pick up the phone and call them to say thanks. Have a stash of Thank You cards in your office, as tangible cards have much more meaning than emails. (Stacie Dumond) Write a Thank You Letter (Florence Obusingye) I send chocolate bars and hand written thank you notes! (Michele Robbins) Create a certificate with their name, saying we appreciate everything you do. (Judith Griffin) Say it with regularity Make it a daily ritual Demonstrate appreciation by being genuine all the time — Come in early to say “good morning” with a smile; stay late enough to big them each a “good evening”; throughout the day, acknowledge their contributions. (Wardell Sullivan) I write emails, notes, and do “little surprises” for my staff that I know that they will appreciate (money to get their favorite candy bar, bringing in donuts). My department wouldn’t run effectively without my team and I want to continually make sure that they feel valued. (Anna Reilly) Have a weekly meeting My office loves pizza parties on Fridays (Bernadette Brown) or institute “Fresh Fruit Fridays.” (Susan Landay) In our weekly supervisors/managers meeting I recently started asking for examples of specific, sincere appreciation this group has given to their employees. The goal is to make them more intentional in their approach to individual praise. (Sandra Fuller) Try Employee Appreciation Friday. We give away $25.00 gift cards by random drawing every Friday at lunch time. The employee put their name in the drawing and the President pulls 8 names and each gets a gift card. (Pamela Hurd) Have a monthly meeting My department head (Director of HR) always drops off little note cards saying “Happy Month that just started, I appreciate all that you do.” Before we adjourn monthly staff meetings, our manager highlights all of the success for the previous month and expresses her appreciation. (Ezechiel Dezine) Choose a different event to hold each month: even something like “Vote for your favorite new Lays flavor Day” and then buying all the employees bags of chips to try can make an impact. Have a chili cook off between departments. Ice cream truck day; all employees get to go out and get free ice cream. (Justin Jonas) Have upper management recognize employees who have exceeded their monthly objectives. The names of these individuals are placed into a drawing for the parking spot closest to the entrance. (Kristy Brass) Create a quarterly tradition Quarterly, I take my department out for sushi, to decompress and get to know each other! (Paula Sahin) Each quarter we recognize the employee who has gone “Above and Beyond” and had the most impact on the company. Nominees are presented and the Leadership team votes for the winner. (BJ Johnson) Have an annual Employee Appreciation Day – this can involve a picnic, ice cream truck, bean bag toss competitions, prizes and give-aways, Give your employees a generous employee discount on your product/service (Jimmy Proffitt) Make it public Put your thanks in writing and share it with the individual’s direct supervisor (David McKale) Champion employees’ extra effort at meetings, in company communications, and email. Make it part of the organization’s culture — from the top down. (John Groth) Whatever you do, keep a record of it for the employee’s performance appraisal (Charlene Bayne, M.A.) Send an email company-wide if an employee “hits a home run.” (Carl Slicer) To promote core values, we have a Core Value Award program where employees can be rewarded with a certificate and gift card for behavior that demonstrates our core values. (Christina Holthe) When giving praise, share the “who, what, where, when and how” — i.e. “Who?” Brenda. “What?” Kept the customer calm. “Where and when? At the morning meeting today. “How?” By listening and finding out … “Why?” “That was a really valuable because…” (Jennifer Metcalfe) Create Peer-to-Peer Recognition programs Have a way for colleagues to thank one another by making thank you cards available to all (Ashi Anjum) Create a Google Form that employees can use to submit “thank you notes” to colleagues. They can sign their name or remain anonymous. These responses are collected on a Google spreadsheet and we send out an email containing the message to the employee being recognized and copy their manager. We provide a $100 giftcard to each of the employees. (Reena Rai) Institute a kudos card program Managers, supervisors and employees are encouraged to recognize one another for the little day to day successes by completing a kudos card. The colorful cards are about the size of a business card and say “Thank You”, “You Saved My Bacon”, “Rock Star”, “You’re Awesome”, etc. on one side and the other side has a place to list the details of the kudos. The completed cards are then pinned to a large bulletin board in the break room. On the last day of the month I collect all the cards and the Leadership Team votes on the top two kudos of the month and a third is drawn randomly from the remaining cards. Winners receive a gift certificate and are named in a company-wide email. (Ivy M) Thank You cards/ Wow cards work great in peer-peer relationships. (Vandana Gundumalla) We have a points based peer-to-peer recognition program that allows anyone to show appreciation for helping to solve a problem, great ideas or even for being nice. Points are used to shop online for items that the individual selects themselves. Management uses this same tool as well as HR for rewarding particular initiatives. (Geri Labonte) With our “Pat on the Back” program, staff can recommend a colleague to be recognized for acts of service both small & large. These are acknowledged with a firm-wide email loaded with accolades movie tickets for the recipient. (Beth Kallio)

The Fidget Spinner was certainly a fidget toy phenomenon of 2017, but Trainers Warehouse has been focusing on finger fiddles and fidgets for over 20 years. Unfortunately, the Fidget Spinner is too distracting to be an ideal tool for true fidgeters and classroom or meeting use. However, the good news is that several fidget toys do meet all five criteria for a Fantastic Finger Fidget. Here’s what it takes to get on our Fantastic Fidget list: 1) Fidgets and Fiddle Toys Should NOT DISTRACT If a fidget toy is too engrossing, you miss the benefit of occupying only “floating attention.” Items that feel like a puzzle, move super fast, or are particularly eye-grabbing, may capture your attention, but these are not ideal Fidget Toys. 2) Choose QUIET Fidget Toys Fidget Toys should not draw the attention of others in the room. While repetitive clicking noises may not bother fidgeters, they can be extremely distracting to others in the room. Seek out Fidget Toys that are silent or relatively quite. 3) Seek DURABLE Finger Fidgets Repetitive motion is the whole reason to use a Fidget Toy. Stay away from fidget toys that are likely to break, pop, fall apart, or get really dirty. 4) Consider INTERESTING MOVEMENTS Fidgeters may like to twist, twirl, squeeze, rub, press, rotate, swivel, click. Even a worry stone, which may be nothing more than a rock, can invite interesting movements of the fingers or hand. If you need a free hand, one-handed fidget toys may be best. For others, a two-handed toy could stimulate both the right and left sides of the brain. 5) Find fidgets that are PLEASING TO TOUCH Most are drawn to smooth or even rubbery surfaces. Fidgets that are sticky, gooey, or smelly (yes, they do exist), are less appealing to all but a few. Fidget Toy Favorites To meet these Five Fantastic Fidget Criteria, we’ve developed a handful of new fidget toys: Loopeez & Loopeez Jr. – success is in its simplicity. The two sparkly beads, linked together by two rings keep turning. If you’re truly looking for a fidget tool, not a toy, Loopeez has proven to be a favorite among sensory disorder specialists. And, it’s available in two sizes! Gyrobi – simply spin the geometric concentric rings. Available as a circle or square. SwingOs – these chunky “O” shapes, swivel (frictionlessly) around and around each other. They look and feel great! Helix – The nine smooth beads circle the central axis with ease! Other favorites include: Koosh Ball, Tangle Toy, and the Infinity Cube.   In the photograph, Amelia Jantz, Raheem Ahmed, Yousuf Mohiuddin and Giavanna May from The Wheatlands Elementary School share their favorite fidget toys. Read More… The Ultimate Fidget Toy Matrix Which Fidgets are Best for You? Finding the Right Fidget for Any Sensory Diet – ADHD and more Shop Fidgets & Fiddles at Trainers Warehouse

Last week, my 11-year-old had a week off from camp and said he wanted to come to work with me. I thought he’d help out in the Assembly Department, but he had Product Development in mind. Rather than explain that products take days, weeks, months, or even years to develop, I figured we could give it a try. Coming up with the idea We started off by thinking about what problem we wanted to solve. I interviewed him about what his teacher did well and what his student teacher didn’t do so well. We looked through catalogs of products for inspiration. In a relatively quick amount of time we realized that while Trainers Warehouse sells KUDOS pads that are perfect for adults at work, they’re not really suited for the educators. Henry went off by himself for a while so he could think of the types of messages he might like to hear from a teacher, such as “You took a risk,” “You stuck with the problem,” “You made a smart mistake,” etc. From there, he solicited feedback from teachers, friends, and people at work, made edits, and worked on the design until everyone was satisfied. In a few weeks, it will be ready to sell. He’s already asked about royalties! Product engineering I worry that Henry got the wrong impression. Normally, product development takes WAY longer than that. Take for instance our Dry-erase Name Tents, which have been around almost as long as our company. Although the basic idea hasn’t changed too much over the last 20 years, the execution has certainly evolved! The idea was a Name Card that didn’t require a “mail merge,” printing, folding and then throwing away. It could stand up and fold flat for storage. In their first iteration, the Name Tents were constructed of two separate pieces of dry-erase board, held together at the top with a flexible hinge. A VELCRO fastener at the back prevented them from falling flat, but allowed you to flatten them for storage. Here’s what it took to make the Up-Down Name Tents: Paperclip the hinge (a.k.a. “stick”) – We’d take an 11-inch white plastic hinge and insert a paperclip to secure it in a closed position. Boil the sticks at home – My dad, who was an engineer before he was a business owner, knew that if we heated the plastics sticks in the flexed position, they would better hold their shape. So our employee, Olencia, brought the box of paper-clipped hinges to the house and boiled them in a big pot of water. Insert the cards into the hinges – after prepping the cards with a bit of hot glue, we’d insert the cards into the hinges Attach the VELCRO – For the tents to stay standing, we had to glue on foam pads to the inside of the cards, then attach VELCRO to the foam. This was what enabled the Up-Down function. My dad was so proud of this invention that he’d stand in the aisle at Training trade shows, and in his PT Barnumesque way, beckon attendees to “come in and I’ll show you a trick!” He’d demonstrate the up-down movement and show off the excellent writing surface. Product improvement Over time, we discovered that the VELCRO fasteners simply weren’t holding up. We also felt that the product as a whole needed to look more professional. Our first change was to procure a special hinge that was not flexible but would hold its shape. Although this would prevent flat storage, it would eliminate the need for paper clips, boiling, foam pads and VELCRO. It still took a bit of hot glue, but they looked much better. After that success, we took it a step further and made them as a single molded piece. Our customers have continued to be pleased with each improvement. Product extensions Once you have a hit, the question is whether you can spin off more ideas from it. For the tents, this has meant the addition of our Space Saver Tent, Black Dry-Erase Tent (subsequently discontinued), which used fluorescent markers, Tent Card Quotes (pithy quotations you can stick on the cards that were also discontinued), and neon tents (yup, discontinued as well). In some ways, product extensions are a little easier than an original product idea because you’re building off something that’s tried and true. But, as history has proved, that doesn’t guarantee success! Maybe that’s why Henry was able to come up with a new product in just 2 weeks. My wish is that they all come that easily.

Trainers Warehouse provides tips and tools for effective assertiveness exercises. These assertive vs. aggressive communication exercise options provide trainers with high-quality activities and empower them to perform their jobs more effectively. In addition, those participating in assertiveness exercises can, at times, experience the benefits of increased self-confidence. Following is a compilation of our favorite assertiveness tips and assertiveness group therapy activities. The language helps make Assertiveness Exercises Effective There are different frameworks through which to view assertive and non-assertive behavior. The following are but two. 1) One is based on behaviors being characterized as Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive. 2) The second distinguishes these psychological stances: Dependent, Counter-Dependent, Independent, and – rarest of all – Interdependent. Familiarity with these related concepts will help you and your trainees have a deeper understanding (and recognition of themselves and others). “Introverted behavior is not by itself a particularly good indicator of non-assertive or passive behavior, this is doubly true if one looks at behavior of ISTJ’s or (even more) INTJ’s. Don’t mistake not being outspoken on a regular basis for lack of assertiveness. Conversely, ENFP’s may talk and interact a lot, but often take a stance of being (compulsive) helpers, lieutenants instead of captains, etc.” Others expressed that level of assertiveness can, at times, be linked to self-confidence.” ~Arthur Lerner To make this fun, you can discuss a variety of TV characters that fit each of these profiles. You can also how would “X” respond to a situation such as someone sitting in their pre-assigned seat. ~ Posted online by Susan Goldstein Assertive vs Aggressive Communication Exercises Two ways to enter a circle Right off the bat, before sharing names or “stats”, have your group stand in a circle for two “meetings.” The first time, ask them to go to the center of the circle as if they were getting onto an elevator. Of course, they will all be reserved and full of “excuse me” and keeping our bodies, eyes, and voices mostly to ourselves. After a quick “What was that like?” (2 min max), have them enter the circle as if they were arriving at a reunion or a party where they were happy seeing folks we hadn’t seen in a long time. Suddenly, you will see eye contact, handshakes, hugs, happy greetings with inviting questions. This is a great discussion starter — seeing how drastically different behavior is for the different settings, and how each of us actually felt more comfortable with the group, even though we still didn’t know each other’s names. 🙂 ~ Posted online by Dawn Walker-Elders An Assertiveness Exercise for Small Group Discussions Plan small group activities where groups report back. Typically, it’s easier for introverts to talk in groups of 3 or 4. You could assign each group to identify and demonstrate common behavior patterns for different types of people — aggressive, assertive, passive, etc. They can discuss eye contact, physical space, stance, etc.) ~ Posted online by Stephanie Legatos Handling Aggression – a planned outbreak! One of my favorite assertive vs aggressive communication exercises involves staging a “planned outbreak.” Unbeknownst to the participants, I have someone primed to burst into the room claiming angrily that they have booked this meeting room and can we please leave so they can set up. Then we will’ freeze’ the ‘intruder’ and discuss different options for responding to this aggressive outburst, before trying each one out to see what effect it has. ~Posted online by Sue Duraikan Assertive Communication Skills Activities Discuss leadership strengths and opportunities Identify opportunities for leadership growth and practice talking assertively about these meaningful topics. Just toss the ball and talk about the topic under your thumb. The ball is playful, yet raises meaningful conversation topics. Get a whole audience to stand up I once attended a workshop where there were about 80 people and the facilitator had us come out to the front of the audience one by one – the aim was for us to get the audience to stand up …..it was amazing, very few people could actually get them to stand up – this demonstrated the difference between aggressive people (no-one stood); passive people (no-one stood) and assertive people – the audience stood. And he gave none of us any directions. ~ Posted online by Ann Andrews Incorporating Practice and Role Play into Assertiveness Exercises When I run Assertiveness training, I get participants to practice specific techniques such as “broken record”, “saying ‘no’ without making excuses”, “receiving negative feedback with equanimity”, “making ‘I’ statements (rather than ‘you’ statements) etc. This can be done in pairs, or in 3s with an observer in each group. ~ Posted online by Jon Trevor I use pair role-plays where one is the boss scolding the other for a mistake. The other attempts to respond to the boss using I’m OK – You’re OK language and posture. Start with one pair to allow the group to observe and comment, and then ask the pair to redo the role-play. It is always much better! Then everyone pairs up and has a go. ~ Posted online by JoAnne Freeman Start with some scenarios drawn up on posters and posted around the room, such as ‘A stressed colleague tells you she really needs you to stay late to help with an unexpected event. You already have social plans.’ ‘You are making a presentation and an audience member interrupts to ask a question you can’t answer.’ Have participants go and look at them all, discuss them, and then stand by the one they would find hardest to deal with. Then launch into a discussion of how our thoughts and feelings affect our level of assertiveness; how we need to recognize and manage both before we can speak and act assertively. ~Posted online by Sue Duraikan A variation on a live role-play, that may be less threatening, is to do it as a written exchange: Get people in groups to think of a situation in which they need to be assertive. Have them write out a summary of the scenario, plus their assertive response. Ask groups to pass their scenarios to another group, so they can write out what the other person might say in response. Then, they write another assertive response, which goes back to the other group for a reply and so on. Obviously, you can have lots of these going on at once. You can then read out the conversation and discuss the learning points. Aside from not feeling “put on the spot,” it gives people time to think and discuss positive ways to respond. ~ Posted online by Derek Hughes Try Non-verbals Working in triads each person communicates emotion with only non-verbal language. The two others try to determine which emotion is being communicated. As the practice goes round the triad, each gains skill in using congruent non-verbals, and each strengthens skills in recognizing and interpreting emotion. In fact, non-verbal is often the strongest part of the message. ~Posted online by Margo The Chair (or chocolates) Ask someone who you feel is fairly strong and able to behave assertively to sit on a chair in the middle of the room. Select 4 other people and assign them a behaviour type – assertive, aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive and advise them that their task is to persuade the person on the chair to relinquish the chair. It puts the behvaiours you have already discussed into context. I have always found that it works extremely well. ~Posted online by Fosties A variation on this “assertive vs aggressive communication exercise” is to give the person in the chair a box of chocolates and have people take turns getting them to share those. Fists Assertiveness exercises like this one will help people draw the line between assertiveness and aggression. Split the group into pairs. Half the members will receive one set of instructions; the other half a different set of instructions. Person A’s instructions read: Person B will make a fist. You MUST get that fist open.Person B’s instructions read: make a fist. Person A is going to attempt to get you to open your fist. You must NOT open your fist unless he/she asks you politely and assertively. Most people will try to pry their fingers open, which is why I added the caveat about physical contact. ~Posted online by Karyn R Ask Line . . . “NO” Line Assertiveness exercises can teach important skills like negotiation. Often assertiveness is hard when you face a challenge or need to ask for something. For that reason, I like this Negotiation exercise. The participants form two lines. One line is the “Asking Line.” They ask for anything from a pay raise, extra resources, time off, etc. The other line is the “No Line.” Their job is to say no. Encourage them to be realistic in their delivery but to find a reason to say no. The Ask Line is then forced to ASK a what, how, or why ONLY question that forces the No Line to elaborate. In this assertive vs aggressive communication exercise, no “yes/no answers” are allowed! The Ask Line then reformat their ask with the new information from the No Line. The No Line then offers the honest reconsideration of the request. The facilitator coaches participants one at a time, but each pair goes fairly quickly. This really helped us overcome the anxiety of the No and cultivated our ability to bounce back and be assertive by asking probing questions and re-stating the Ask. The lines then switch. (Source of activity Ji Eun (Jamie) Lee at a Smith College Women’s Leadership Conference,https://jieunjamie.com/work/). ~ Posted online by Nathalie Ais Sample Situations for Assertiveness Exercises and Training Here are a handful of examples of situations, (sound threatening and some not), together with one or more possible responses. During these assertiveness group therapy activities, ask your group to identify whether the response is assertive, passive, or aggressive. Alternatively, ask if they can think of a better way to respond. For example: Situation #1: The barmaid serves you the wrong drink in the pub. Response: “What do you call this? I asked for a shandy, not lager – get your act together, love.” Situation #2: A new colleague, with whom you share an office, smokes continuously. You dislike the smell of smoke. Response: “Gosh, I’ve really got a headache, but then smoky atmospheres always bring on my migraine.” Situation #3: You are feeling put upon at work and decide to ask for a higher grade. Response: “I’d like to talk about my grade with you. Please could we meet next week to discuss it further?” Situation #4: You are waiting to pay for some shopping but the two sales assistants at the till are deep in conversation and appear to be ignoring you. Situation #5: Your employer expects you to take on extra work but your existing workload is already very heavy. Situation #6: You make a mistake at work and your supervisor tells you off in a very abrupt and angry manner.   For more on assertiveness group therapy activities and passive Aggressive behavior in the workplace, explore this infographic from Visme.